Depression: The Opportunistic Little Bugger

What I believe makes Insight, Outside In unique from other blogs about mental health is it is run by a mental health professional who also has a diagnosis of Major Depression, and is therefore a patient.  I couldn’t write this blog with any sense of honesty or integrity without also writing about my own mental wellness and illness.  I am having a depressive episode.  It started about 24 hours ago.  I began to have negative thoughts about an event that had just happened.  I had spent the afternoon with a friend.  My friend was recovering from being sick, and had very little energy.  We didn’t spend as much time together as we would have normally, and during our visit, my friend was pretty checked out, mentally.  We’ve talked here about how mental illness can be an opportunistic little bugger.  Mine is no different.  My brain started spinning over how my friend must not want me around.  This person was obviously annoyed by my very existence, and why wouldn’t they be?  I have nothing to offer.  There’s nothing anyone could ever like about me.  Just like that, we’re off to the races!  In the past 24 hours, I have continued to struggle with negative thoughts about myself.  I also start crying just randomly, for no reason, other than the fact that I am having a depressive episode.  I want to sleep all day today.  I would probably still be in bed were in not for the same friend messaging me earlier and saying, “get up, and come over.  You need to get out of your house.”  My friend knew because of a text message I’d sent earlier with three words: “having depression symptoms.”  I sent the same text to other supportive friends and family.  I have also left a message for my therapist.  I already had an appointment on the calendar for tomorrow with my psychiatrist, just by coincidence.  

My plan is to continue blogging through this episode.  I am putting other topics on a temporary hold while I deal with this.  I believe the best way I can be credible and accountable is to be honest with my readers, my family and friends, and myself.  I don’t normally blog every day.  My goal is three entries per week.  However, I will try to post an update daily until I return to baseline  (Updates will most likely be deleted once the episode is over).  All right, I’m going to go over my self care plan.

Be well