Friday, September 16, 2016

Checking in for Friday, September 16, 2016...Getting Good!

I can honestly say I feel good today.  I am pleasantly surprised.  In the past, depressive episodes tend to last about two weeks.  Tomorrow will be a week since the first symptoms started.
I am not completely back to my baseline.  Baseline means how a person was doing before the symptoms started.  I still don't have all my energy back, and I still have trouble staying asleep all night.  But the important thing is that my mood is improving.  I am no longer having negative thoughts about myself.  I am usually an optimistic person, and enjoy making people laugh.  When I am depressed, neither of these apply.  Someone told me once, "I can always tell when you're depressed.  You don't make jokes."  True.  
Depression is not just feeling sad.  It feels like a void.  It feels like there's a black hole inside me that sucks in all the joy, all the personality, all the drive, everything that makes me who I am.  All that's left is lethargy.  I don't feel like a whole person.
This is what makes it so important to get help as soon as possible when the symptoms start.  Depression doesn't suck everything away all at once, but it happens fairly quickly.  But if I can activate my care plan, it can't get it all.  I can still hold onto enough that I can work back into feeling better.  The meds are a huge part of this.  I know that I will need medication for my Depression for the rest of my life, and that's just fine with me.  If it means keeping from being consumed by the black hole, sign me up!
I had originally thought I would delete some, if not all, of the updates once the Depression was under control, but I am not going to.  My hope is that this can help someone else who goes through a depressive cycle.  One thing about Depression is how isolating it can be.  I could barely drag myself to the computer, and getting out and socializing felt impossible.  So if you can relate to how I have been feeling this past week, there is help.  It's going to get better.  I know it doesn't feel like it, but you're going to have to trust me.  I have complete faith in your ability to get through this.  
Be well 

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