Multi-level Mayhem

I’ve got a problem, friends.  It seems like I’ve been dealing with this more than usual lately.  It always starts out the same: I will hear from a friend I haven’t talked to in a while.  That always feels good, right?  Someone drops back into your life seemingly out of the blue, and wants to know all about how you’re doing!  No matter how I answer the seemingly innocent questions about my life, work, family and health, the conversation inevitably turns to an exciting new opportunity.  (Is this starting to sound familiar?)  Whether it’s to make more money while staying home to manage my health, essential oils, smoothies, vitamins, or diets, the common denominator is the Multi-Level Marketing product that’s going to change my life.  Can you get excited!?!? No, not so much.

My first experience with having someone try to take advantage of my disability for their own financial gain was quite a while ago.  A coworker knew I’d been having a hard time with my Cerebral Palsy, and asked if I’d like to have lunch and talk about what was going on?  I had only been getting my shots for about a year, and my doctor was still trying to get the dosage and timing right.  Still, the outlook was promising, even if we still had a way to go to get to a therapeutic treatment plan.  After listening to me talk about how hopeful I felt, my coworker assumed a worried expression.  Botox is literally poison, I was told.  He was heartbroken that I was subjecting myself to toxic chemicals that were sure to kill me.  I explained to him that my surgeon, who is a medical doctor while my friend is not, had discussed possible side effects and potential dangers of the medication with me.  I had made a well-informed decision to proceed with the treatment, and was having really good results!  My friend shook his head.  He proceeded into a full-on sales pitch about a juice he and his wife were selling.  To say I was disappointed is quite an understatement.  I really thought this was someone who cared for me, and wanted to see me be well.  

Right now, someone is reading this who really does believe in the product they sell.  You know what?  I’m not going to tell you that you’re wrong.  But I am going to tell you to stop trying to sell it to me as a cure.  I don’t think you have any idea how much you can hurt someone without meaning to.  In fact, I believe that most of you have good intentions and really want to help.  

Off the top of my head, I’m going to write out suggestions lay people have made for my CP/Depression:

-Meditation

-Yoga

-Swimming

-Vegetarianism

-Veganism

-Paleo Diet

-Atkins Diet

-Juice

-Smoothies

-Supplements

-Personal life coaching

-Exercise

-Sunlight

-Stopping my meds

-Stopping my CP treatments

-Medicinal Marijuana

Some of these are an absolute crock, some of them may help, some do help.  But here’s the thing: What I choose to do or not do is just that: MY CHOICE.  One of the options on the list is wonderful for CP, but horrible for Depression.  If someone makes a suggestion to me and I choose not to take it, it’s not a personal affront to that person.  Hang on, let me repeat that a little louder for the people in the back or in case anyone showed up late: IF I DON’T TAKE YOUR SUGGESTION, IT’S NOT PERSONAL.  Now, if you start insisting after I’ve explained why I am choosing not to do as you’ve suggested, we’re going to have a problem.  Unfortunately, the former friend I told you about at the beginning of this article is not the only person to try to pull this type of theme.

Now here’s something you may not have thought about if you believe peddling snake oil is harmless: It hurts to be thought of as someone’s potential customer, potential recruit, or science project.  I know you may mean well.  The damage is still done.  I’m fairly certain my name is on a number of lists of independent sales consultant’s “People who NEED…” Insert name of product here.  

Let’s go back to our Wellness Plans for a minute.  Don’t give me that look, I never said there wouldn’t be homework!  The plans that work the best are the ones with well thought out lists.  We don’t have a support person, we have support people.  We make lists of coping skillS, plural.  Any time anyone says that there’s a miracle cure, RUN.  That’s not how any of this works.  You know what works best for me from the aforementioned list?  Lots!  How much? Depends!  Whose business is it?  Mine!  Now having said that, I place a very high value on relationships.  The people close to me know a good bit about both the CP and the Depression.  They know what works for me, and how to help.  But at the heart of all of that is their desire to see me well.  It works both ways, I want the people I love and care about to be well too!  But if I start imposing and telling them that I know better than they do, there’s a problem.  If I am offended by someone rejecting my help, that says more about me than them.  Stepping back from our egos is one of the biggest challenges we deal with in relationships.  This is even more true when we believe that we’re right!  But I’ll finish this one up with the following question: What’s your priority?  If it’s truly someone’s well being, they shouldn’t need to bring their wallet.

Be well.

How the Midwest was Won

Friends, I am participating in an interesting online discussion about how a person is able to vote against their own best interest.  I wanted to share this with you, my IOI followers.  I look forward to hearing your thoughts.  Please remember to keep comments respectful.  Thank you!

Okay, I need to preface this by saying I am about as rabidly Democrat as they come.  I am only addressing the mindset that COULD lead someone to vote against their own best interests.  I am an educated liberal.  But I believe I have a slightly different perspective because I am an educated liberal with a disability, Cerebral Palsy.  I feel invisible most of the time.  Whenever a list of minorities is presented, people with disabilities are frequently overlooked.  There are often discussions of sex, gender, race, ethnicity, and sexual orientation, but disability isn't there.  This is really frustrating.  Discrimination against people with disabilities (PWD) still happens.  What's more, it's not given the same importance as discrimination against other classes.  I find Mr. Trump's treatment of women abhorrent and disgusting.  I am so grateful that so many people refused to vote for him because of his stated views about women.  However, while people expressed outrage when he mocked Mr. Kovaleski as they should have, I didn't hear anyone say, honestly, that this was the straw that broke the camel's back.  

So let me circle this back around to my understanding how someone could vote for Donald Trump.  I don’t know how to explain how awful it feels to feel invisible day after day.  When I am left off of a list the message is that I have no value.  Here’s a list of people whom we acknowledge as being treated as if they have less value than hetero, white, cisgendered males.  I don’t even rank as less than.  My rank is naught.  I have lived this way for 39 years.  IF a candidate were to come along and tell us, “I’m here for the gimps!  The amputees, crutch users, the blue tags, the rollers? I’m going to help you.  See all those people who mean well but still ignore you?  How can they ignore you if they mean well?  I mean, sure, I don’t like chocolate and plan to make it illegal, but I’m here, and I am going to fix this.  We’ll build you the best hospitals money can buy without a single stair in any of them.  I’ll even make the ables pay for it!”  NO ONE has so much as acknowledged my existence in politics and now not only does he see me, but he’s TALKING TO ME.  This sounds really good.  I’m excited.  I latch onto the idea of a hospital I can get to!  Okay, the people around me are going to suffer but you know what? I’ve been suffering for 39 years.  So yes, I’m on board.  I can’t wait!  But as soon as the election is over, Hershey bars start disappearing from grocery stores.  People were already quietly buying up the Snickers bars since the last debate.  But…I didn’t want this part, I just wanted a hospital.  I wanted the ramps.  I wanted to see my oppressors have to do the work for once.  So this is how, even with muscle spasms that twist me up like a pretzel and freeze my muscles like Han Solo in carbonite, I have managed to royally screw myself.  This is how Trump exploited the very people who stand to be hurt the most by his policies.  He distracted them.  He told them what they wanted to hear and played right into their fears and vulnerabilities.  This is how someone votes for the very thing that will hurt them most.  

Update: I've been busy being human.

Hey there, IOI!  I am still somewhere out here in cyberspace!
I had a hard time writing for about a month after the election.  I couldn't get my head around what was happening and felt like I had nothing to write about.
Then we were well into the holidays and things were just busy!  I am thrilled to announce that during that time I finished my cert program, and now hold a Certificate of Proficiency in American Sign Language!  I have been taking classes toward this goal for 7 years.  I wanted to sleep for a week after dealing with all the bureaucracy it took to get through the program.
Now for the bad news: I was in a car accident the day after Christmas.  My car went down an embankment.  I was incredibly fortunate to come through with a sprained ankle and lots of bruising.  My body has been sore all over.  I have been experiencing grief symptoms and was in shock for a few days after.  A lot of what I am dealing with in my personal life has to do with the accident.  I get tired very easily since my body seems to be putting all its energy into healing.
What's come from all of this is a lot of new material for IOI.  I have had a lot of time to think and come up with new topics.  
I look forward to getting back to blogging regularly.  My goal for 2017 is one entry per week.  In fact, how about we pick up there next time with goals?
I sincerely wish the best to each of you.  If you feel like it give us your own check-in in the comments.  
I don't usually give much of anything away about my personal life.  But I do want to publically thank my sister for kicking my butt this morning with the blend of love and honesty that only people who truly give a damn can achieve.  Love you, B.  
Now for all of us,
Be well.