Sunday, November 13, 2016

Arm in Arm, We Confront What's Real: Facing Election Fears

To say it’s been quite a week is probably the understatement of the year.  While I know I may have readers from many different backgrounds and points of view, I am going to be writing about my own experiences this week.  I have grave concerns about what Donald Trump’s presidency will mean for the marginalized populations with whom I work and for whom I advocate.  I have concerns about what his presidency will mean for me as a woman, a woman with a disability, and a woman with a mental illness.  I am concerned about his financial policies and what they will mean for me as an independent contractor.  The purpose of this blog entry, however, is not to be a list of the concerns that I know are shared across the nation and the world.  Rather, I want to tell you about my weekend.  
I take classes at a junior college.  Most of my classes have been toward a certificate in American Sign Language, but I have also taken some classes for fun and for personal enrichment.  I have taken a couple of art classes with a gentleman named Seth. Seth’s teaching style has pushed me both as an artist and a human being.  I have grown from being his student.  He has been working on a show to honor his mentor, Remy Charlip.  Charlip was an artist, a dancer, a choreographer, and an author of children’s books.  Charlip was a Jewish man raised in New York City.  As a gay man who came of age in the 1940’s he struggled throughout his life to find acceptance from family, intimate relationships, professional relationships, and himself.  His life and work ultimately brought him to the San Francisco Bay Area where he met Seth.  Seth uses puppetry, light, visual art, theater, and dance to bring Remy Charlip to life in a show called, “Rainbow Logic: Arm in Arm with Remy Charlip.”  I was absolutely blown away.  
Seth’s work could not be any more relevant to what we are all experiencing as the short term and long term effects of this election start to sink in.  Charlip’s struggle for acceptance started at a very young age with his father.  While I absolutely know this is a common experience in the queer community, I think we are all experiencing this struggle right now.  I don’t know anyone who feels safe in who they are in the current political climate.  As I’ve written about before on IOI, I believe each of us is a sum of all the versions of ourselves we have ever been.  Right now, our child selves are afraid.  We need to feel the safety from those who are meant to protect us (social norms and government), and overnight, it’s just gone.  So we set out.  That’s where we are now.  Charlip experienced temporary safety again and again as he moved through life and relationships, only to find rejection and disappointment. Reflecting on his life, it makes so much sense that he would strive to create safety, nurturing, and acceptance for those coming up after him. 
Last night, I had the privilege to see the documentary “Real Boy,” and hear music from the gentlemen featured in the film.  Real Boy shows a transgender man named Ben’s process of transitioning from a female body to a make one.  Like Charlip, Ben was rejected by his family and had to make his own way.  He was fortunate to meet up with another transgender man named Joe.  Both are extremely talented musicians.  Joe helped Ben to channel what he was going through into his music.  
As frightened as many of us are, one of the most important things we can do right now is CREATE.  Whatever our personal gifts are, we need to use them.  For some, it will be music.  Others will draw.  Another way will be someone doing their part to create a safe space.  But I find that when I am putting positive energy out, it’s very difficult for negative energy to find its way in.  I feel like what Seth, Ben, and Joe are doing is what the conservative movement is most afraid of: Living.  We all know the threats we are subject to just by existing right now.  But instead of cowering, we are skipping down the street, arm in arm, just as Seth and Remy did in San Francisco.  I’m excited.  We don’t do the tough work when it’s too easy.  We get complacent.  We don’t have that luxury right now.  It’s go time.  We all have the opportunity to be part of something bigger, and it’s just getting started. If you’re not the one doing the creating, you can still support the ones who are.  You won’t regret it.  I can’t wait to get out there and see what’s next for each of us.
In the meantime, don’t let anyone tell you what you’re feeling and experiencing is invalid.  People are sad, angry, and afraid, and with good reason.  But we don’t have to stay there.  In fact, we can’t.  It’s no way to live.  Do what you need to in order to be healthy and safe, friends.  But please use what you have to tell your truth.  Regardless of what anyone may tell you, everyone’s story deserves to be told.  Your story needs to be told.  Everyone deserves to make their own unique contribution.  What will yours be?  
Be well.

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Saturday, November 5, 2016

I Don't Want to Write

Friends, I haven’t posted in almost 2 weeks.  Like I said the other day, I’ve had writer’s block.  Today I remembered a creative writing teacher who gave us an assignment: Write an essay titled “I don’t want to write about…”  So I’m going to try it.
I don’t want to write about the election.  I don’t want to write about how I’ve been watching CNN so much, I know it’s not in my best interest.  it makes my head hurt to just hear the same commentators talking over one another.
I don’t want to write about how sad I am.  I love my country.  I especially love the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.  I love that we have due process.  There are amendments I wish we didn’t have.  There are rights I wish were not afforded to us, and there are also rights of which I sincerely wish some people would stop availing themselves!  I have lost friends over this election.  I just can’t maintain a meaningful relationship with someone who espouses the values that any person or group of people are less-than and should be harmed.  I am sad because I love the people in my life very deeply.  It truly breaks my heart that anyone could hate them because of their race, country of origin, sex, gender, orientation, diagnosis, or ability.  
I don’t want to write about how angry I am. It infuriates me to see anyone harmed.  I am enraged that people with a microphone and a camera focused on them would use their power and influence to advocate for and encourage people to hurt someone else for not agreeing with them. I don’t like to be angry at all.  It clouds how I experience the world around me.  I lose patience and sometimes react in ways I regret later.  It keeps me from being present for people I love.  It inhibits me from being my best.
I don’t want to write about how confused I am.  I go to bed at night with a new story breaking, only to wake up in the morning to it having been debunked.  It’s hard to know which stories I read are true, and which ones are not.  When I write, accuracy is extremely important to me.  if I present something on IOI as a fact, it means I have done my research.  I cite my sources so that you can look for yourselves.  If I make a mistake, I want to know.  I feel responsible for what I publish.  It represents me as a writer and a human being.  If I write an article and falsify information to get you to agree with me, I have failed.  If I can’t feel strong and secure by telling the truth, I shouldn’t be writing at all.  
I don’t want to write about how scared I am.  Things that have been said and done during this election have evoked strong feelings in a lot of people.  First off, I am afraid for the people I mentioned earlier who fit into categories of people who have been marginalized and slandered. I worry for their well-being.  I worry about if any of them are internalizing the horrible things they’re hearing about themselves.  I know from experience how easy it is to internalize things that I shouldn’t.  My brain capitalizes on every negative thing it can when I am depressed.  I am really scared by the thought of people who already are vulnerable feeling attacked by someone validating their deepest fears.  Even worse, seeing someone encourage people en masse to be violent toward strangers.  I am afraid for people I love and feel very helpless.  I worry that anything I have to say pales in comparison to what’s being fed to us 24/7.    As if that weren’t enough to be afraid of, November 9 some people are going to be very happy.  Others will be very upset.  Hate crimes against American Muslims went up 78% in 2015.  Hate crimes against people who are transgender rose 40% (2016).  My fear is that no matter who wins, these numbers are going to go up.  
I want to write about gratitude.  I have had deep, meaningful conversations with people I wouldn’t have had otherwise.  I have made new friends and strengthened other relationships.  I have reconnected with friends on Facebook whom I haven’t spoken to in over 20 years.  I am grateful because this election has made me think critically about issues.  I know where I stand and what I think about many different subjects.  But as new information, some of it false, was presented I did my own research.  It has been a good experience to look at issues and what they will mean for me and my loved ones.  It feels good to stand up for other people and work to create safety in a volatile environment where their very personhood is being belittled at best, and at worst, demonized.
Finally, this election has given me hope.  People are standing up and getting involved.  Organizing, educating, advocating, and demonstrating are happening from the ground up.  Regardless of who is elected, I hope these people won’t lose that fire and passion.  People are standing up for one another.  I have seen people come together from completely different backgrounds, demographics, and ways of life.  This wasn’t going to happen without something drastic happening.  Something I often say is that there are very few things we have control over in life.  However, we always have control of our attitude, and what we do with the situations in which we find ourselves.
As always, I’m reminding you to please take care of yourselves and those you love.  IOI has a Facebook page at www.facebook.com/insightoutsidein and you can always post there or message me directly.  I didn’t want to write, but now I’m glad I did.

Be well

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Writer's block!

Hey Insighters!

Everything is fine, I've just got a serious case of writer's block.  If there's anything you'd like to see covered on IOI, please let me know, either in the comments or at insightoutsidein@gmail.com. 

I hope to be back comforting the disturbed and disturbing the comfortable SOON!